I am def not as emotional as I was this past winter. There is something about Spring and Summer that make it difficult to stay in a bad mood for long! However this past week was difficult for me. There are just so many "maybes" going on. I was talking to my friend Jennifer about this the other day and I was trying to put how I was feeling into words. It is best said that ALL things in life require a risk. Over the last three years of dealing with inferility is so hard to get my hopes up and truly think that this can happen to "us." It is like other people have kids but in my mind it is hard for me to think it will happen to us. It was good to be reminded that this goes against what God has promised us. Therefore, I want to either go all or nothing. I dont want to be guarded and miss out on an opportunity that could have led to a better plan than I ever could have had. Plus even if things had gone my way.....nothing in life is guaranteed. Even a biological child......not to be morbid but that is why we are always told to "live life to the fullest."
My friend Anne wrote in her blog that mother can mean many different things. So often I fail to think of myself as that term.....me a mother? It is almost like I dont think I can be that. But really......I AM, and I WILL BE.
I told one of my good friends tonight....as Christians we tend to play it safe.....and we dont want to sound cliche....but sometimes we just need to SPEAK things and say it how we see it happening. I SEE US BEING PARENTS. We are fit to be parents, we have a heart for it, and no matter how it happens it will never be perfect but it will be God's plan.
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