This morning I had one of those "aha" moments.....in the shower of all places LOL! I was thinking about my house, my husband, my boys, and all we have and I honestly felt content. Often times I feel myself spiraling into this negative "gimme" attitude with God. "I want a baby......I want a job.....I want this and that..." and sometimes I forget about what He wants.
Someone recently told me that if you were told what you would have to endure in the future you would probably run the other direction. As I think over the past five years since we first got married, I can totally agree with this comment. Three years ago I was in shock and numb that God would not allow us to have a baby. At that point if you would have told me it would be three long years before our arms would be filled with children I would have fallen into a depression. Two years ago I felt a ray of hope but I was against anything other than "my idea of how to start our family." One year ago I was just open to any direction of us growing our family- we were in so different directions- private adoption, fostering to adopt, international adoption, or IVF.
Today I look back at the past four and half years and I truly see the meaning of Footprints in the Sand. It was God who carried us through those hard years, those emotional moments, the highs and the lows, who used that time to mold us into mature adults, to mend and strengthen our marriage, and for us to have that coveted and precious time to love each other as a couple. Now I can look at a pregnant woman and not feel insane jealousy, hurt, and loss. Those emotions are still a part of me, and few understand this loss, but they do not define me. I am excited about our future, and content in today.
So in the shower today I was telling my husband (don't worry he just getting ready in the bathroom) that I am so grateful for our TV, our computer, the decor in our house, our finances being where they are, our boy's room being furnished, etc. I am grateful for our family and their support through this process, the acceptance and love they have for the path we have chosen, and for taking our sons in as part of the family. To our friends who have listened to us cry, scream, be excited, talk about our dreams, and just be there for us to turn to; and now to celebrate with us. I think of last August when D turned one and the speech Shawn gave to all those who attended. The gist of it was, "Thank you to all of you for your support and for your prayers and walking with us in this journey." I treasure this moment in my heart because we have felt that love and support. We have chosen, well God has chosen, to grow our family in a way that is different than others, but for that we are stronger, and those around us have helped make us this way.
I am grateful for my boys---- my beautiful boys who God brought just to US. I love N with his perception and zest for life, his excitement about new things, and his funny and precious moments of questions about life and his sensitivity to how other people feel. D is walking like crazy now, he is stretching his wings and finding his independence. He has a stubborn streak but he is also a cuddler and loves his "maemiiiiiii (mommy)." I love to hug and cuddle them, to be able to teach them ABC's and how to say new words, to wipe the tears, and even yes, to have the opportunity to discipline them. I love to watch Shawn wrestle with them on the floor and hug them until they laugh.
In these moments I feel content, and I know that at the end of the day God's plan for my life is so much better than ANYTHING I could have imagined. Yes, there are still SO many unknowns (our next court date for TPR is April 19th so keep us in your prayers), and yes, three years ago had I know this would be our path I may have resisted and run the other way; but now I am running toward it. Yes, I would still love to have our own biological baby and I would love to have more children, but at the end of the day we are no different than any other family, we are just a family.
I am grateful to God. His plan is better than ours. Our pain brings out our reliance on him to carry us through the hard moments in life. For today I am content.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
It's 2011 :)
Dear friends,
Whew. It has been a whirlwind of the past 7 months since I posted last. Let me update you on some things going on within the Hernandez clan :).
In July we acquired a new addition to our family- a puppy named Chessa but sadly she passed away a couple of weeks later. This was a sad moment :( but we still have our two mutts- Charlie will be three in May and Chico will be two.
We also added two more wonderful additions and our family has doubled! We are proud pre-adoptive parents of N- 4, he will be 5 in May, and D who is 18 months. We started visits with them in July which I believe I had written about previously. We did visits back and forth with the foster home they were in at the time, who also happened to be some of our best friends as well which made the whole situation so much easier. It was a fun and busy summer with weekends out and about and weeks working and getting ready for the big move, as well as for little D's 1st bday!
The boys offically moved in on August 13th, 2010. The first night we took them for ice cream and we got family pictures done. The next day we had a bday party with some of our closest family and friends. This was the first time many of them had the chance to meet the boys and it was joyous celebration. I remember Shawn thanking everyone for coming and asking them to keep us in their prayers for the future of our family. That seems like so long ago.
At this point we were still conducting visit between the boys and their mother, and it was unsure which direction the case was going to go. I still cannot share too much as it is still ongoing; however the next four months brought a lot of turmoil and hardship for us emotionally, as well as for our boys, but God is faithful and since November things have been so much more peaceful for us. The courts decided to move for Termination of Parental Rights. During this time we were also able to see my in-laws, although through very sad circumstances, it was wonderful for Shawn's parents and siblings to be able to meet the boys for the first time and for us to see all of our nieces and nephews.
In December we celebrated Christmas with the boys, and then we went to my parent's house. Christmas morning was such a joy! I am sensitive to those who are not married or do not have children, as I have been there. It was different than years past when it was just Shawn and I. While those are memories I will treasure, I feel like Mary when the Bible says she "stored and treasured these thing in her heart." It is a different time period of our life and I store these things in my heart- N's face when he opened his dump trucks, D playing with the wrapping paper, my parent's as their first Christmas as grandparents. These are special moments.
Backing up a little bit, in August Shawn lost his job where he had been since we moved to Northwest Indiana. It was a hard time. We were able to secure unemployment though and the Lord was so faithful and we were able to make it through.
In December I got an e-mail in regards to a position at Purdue University teaching Spanish. I started in January after the holidays. It was back to the grind. I love it! I teach three different courses two days a week. Shawn stays at home with the boys and cares for them. He is such an awesome husband and father. I come home to a clean house, happy children, and dinner! He is such a blessing to me from God.
We had our review hearing in January and they decided to move forward with the termination hearing. We were happy to hear this. It is obviously a sad occasion to see a mother losing her children and the agony of a family who is being broken up no matter the choices that led to this moment. However, I believe God has brought these boys to us for a purpose. I believe at the end of the day they need us and we need them. It is such a testament to the title of my blog....God Bless the Broken Road. It has been a very difficult four years of dealing with infertility, and the heartbreaking news of not being able to have biological children. When the boy's first came to us it was not an instantaneous moment in time where I knew I was their mother, but if you ask me now, I can't imagine life without them. It is perfectly normal that they are our children, blood and skin color do not even play a factor in our relationship with them. We love them, care for them, wipe their tears, sing with them, cheer on N at this soccer games, discipline when needed, clap when D took his first steps, and show them who their Father is- Jesus.
This is such a picture of how God took us and adopted us in to his family through his son. How he loved us.
This past weekend my mom came and we went to N's last soccer game on Sunday and then we took the boys to the Shedd Aquarium in Chicago. It was such a fun family day. Then yesterday morning we had our first Termination Hearing. It was short and we will have the actualy trial part in April. Things are moving forward. We are just loving on the boys and trusting in God to work us through this.
Shawn recently got a phone call to work for another State Farm agent for the next 6 months. The best part is he can work from home for the next two months while I finish up teaching at Purdue and tutoring. I took the LSAT exam in December and applied at Valparaiso University for law school. This has always been a dream of mine and my husband is my biggest supporter. I am still waiting to hear if I got in or not. Once I find out, and we have court in April, we will be able to make more permanent plans for our future.
This is an update on us. We are just living each day and enjoying each moments as a normal family :).
Thanks for reading.
Whew. It has been a whirlwind of the past 7 months since I posted last. Let me update you on some things going on within the Hernandez clan :).
In July we acquired a new addition to our family- a puppy named Chessa but sadly she passed away a couple of weeks later. This was a sad moment :( but we still have our two mutts- Charlie will be three in May and Chico will be two.
We also added two more wonderful additions and our family has doubled! We are proud pre-adoptive parents of N- 4, he will be 5 in May, and D who is 18 months. We started visits with them in July which I believe I had written about previously. We did visits back and forth with the foster home they were in at the time, who also happened to be some of our best friends as well which made the whole situation so much easier. It was a fun and busy summer with weekends out and about and weeks working and getting ready for the big move, as well as for little D's 1st bday!
The boys offically moved in on August 13th, 2010. The first night we took them for ice cream and we got family pictures done. The next day we had a bday party with some of our closest family and friends. This was the first time many of them had the chance to meet the boys and it was joyous celebration. I remember Shawn thanking everyone for coming and asking them to keep us in their prayers for the future of our family. That seems like so long ago.
At this point we were still conducting visit between the boys and their mother, and it was unsure which direction the case was going to go. I still cannot share too much as it is still ongoing; however the next four months brought a lot of turmoil and hardship for us emotionally, as well as for our boys, but God is faithful and since November things have been so much more peaceful for us. The courts decided to move for Termination of Parental Rights. During this time we were also able to see my in-laws, although through very sad circumstances, it was wonderful for Shawn's parents and siblings to be able to meet the boys for the first time and for us to see all of our nieces and nephews.
In December we celebrated Christmas with the boys, and then we went to my parent's house. Christmas morning was such a joy! I am sensitive to those who are not married or do not have children, as I have been there. It was different than years past when it was just Shawn and I. While those are memories I will treasure, I feel like Mary when the Bible says she "stored and treasured these thing in her heart." It is a different time period of our life and I store these things in my heart- N's face when he opened his dump trucks, D playing with the wrapping paper, my parent's as their first Christmas as grandparents. These are special moments.
Backing up a little bit, in August Shawn lost his job where he had been since we moved to Northwest Indiana. It was a hard time. We were able to secure unemployment though and the Lord was so faithful and we were able to make it through.
In December I got an e-mail in regards to a position at Purdue University teaching Spanish. I started in January after the holidays. It was back to the grind. I love it! I teach three different courses two days a week. Shawn stays at home with the boys and cares for them. He is such an awesome husband and father. I come home to a clean house, happy children, and dinner! He is such a blessing to me from God.
We had our review hearing in January and they decided to move forward with the termination hearing. We were happy to hear this. It is obviously a sad occasion to see a mother losing her children and the agony of a family who is being broken up no matter the choices that led to this moment. However, I believe God has brought these boys to us for a purpose. I believe at the end of the day they need us and we need them. It is such a testament to the title of my blog....God Bless the Broken Road. It has been a very difficult four years of dealing with infertility, and the heartbreaking news of not being able to have biological children. When the boy's first came to us it was not an instantaneous moment in time where I knew I was their mother, but if you ask me now, I can't imagine life without them. It is perfectly normal that they are our children, blood and skin color do not even play a factor in our relationship with them. We love them, care for them, wipe their tears, sing with them, cheer on N at this soccer games, discipline when needed, clap when D took his first steps, and show them who their Father is- Jesus.
This is such a picture of how God took us and adopted us in to his family through his son. How he loved us.
This past weekend my mom came and we went to N's last soccer game on Sunday and then we took the boys to the Shedd Aquarium in Chicago. It was such a fun family day. Then yesterday morning we had our first Termination Hearing. It was short and we will have the actualy trial part in April. Things are moving forward. We are just loving on the boys and trusting in God to work us through this.
Shawn recently got a phone call to work for another State Farm agent for the next 6 months. The best part is he can work from home for the next two months while I finish up teaching at Purdue and tutoring. I took the LSAT exam in December and applied at Valparaiso University for law school. This has always been a dream of mine and my husband is my biggest supporter. I am still waiting to hear if I got in or not. Once I find out, and we have court in April, we will be able to make more permanent plans for our future.
This is an update on us. We are just living each day and enjoying each moments as a normal family :).
Thanks for reading.
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